Whomever it was that decided a walking lunge was great exercise…..die, just die and go to hell.

I am not a fitness freak, I may go to the gym 3 to four times a week but I can’t say I enjoy it or that its my favourite thing to do. Mostly I do it to avoid becoming a fatty boombaa. However there is one exercise which I loathe and cannot stand as no matter how many times I do it, it does not get any easier and makes me look ridiculous when I do it and feel like my legs are on fire. The walking lunge, if any one ask you to do it, sure four or five great no problems. Ten or 20 four times in a row? well that’s a whole other world of paincakes right there!

If I don’t end up with awesome legs and arse after all these lunges I will use my massive cannon arms I have developed to punch something very hard because eating cake would be far too easy.

But oh so tasty.

I have discovered that going to the gym also makes you feel guilty when you do indulge because its so hard to motivate yourself after slacking off just a little bit. I I took a day off the other week and it turned into a week and a week of alcohol and sugary treats to top it off. The next time at the gym was a struggle and I am pretty sure sugar seeped out of my pores. It makes you think about every kilojoule you imbibe and how much you have to work out to work it off. I don’t like feeling guilty about food, I love it way too much. On the other hand it makes me feel good when I do put the effort in and I walk out all sore and sweaty. This however is not particularly attractive.

Trust me when I say that just getting to the gym is hard enough but getting there is not a reason to congratulate yourself on a job well done. The amount of people I see who go to the gym and jump on a treadmill and walk at a slow pace on zero incline, makes me shake my head like a disappointed personal trainer. Unless you are consuming a lettuce and only lettuce in a day, this is going to have absolutely no positive effect on you at all.

I have been going to the gym now almost six months now and me and my friend Lauren consider ourselves experts (it doesnt matter if were not, if you look like you’re doing it wrong to us you mostly certainly are) and we have a giggle and snigger at some of the strange things people do in the gym. Stalking machines like vultures (really just go do something else), couples who work out together (why? do you not spend enough time together?), skinny lads lifting weights (Oh you do try and I’m very proud), short men with ginormous arms and no necks (small man syndrome, is it medically recognised?). We like to think that we are the only normal people that go, I secretly wonder if someone else is putting us in the strange category. That maybe someone is thinking, ‘oh there’s those two girls who come in and do nothing but chat, socialise at home why don’t you.

Oh well they can think what they want and all I would have to say is, ‘Check out my guns.’

When did easy listening become my station of choice?

Speaking to a friend of mine the other day she told me that she had been listening to a local radio station, well known for its mix of tunes from old stuff to new. IT suddenly occurred to my friend that the last 4 or so songs she had been listening to were songs she knew and werent shiny and new but popular when we were younger. And now that I think about it, I prefer listening to this station (not particularly for the chit chat, its actually not that very funny but a little cliched) because I know and like a lot of the songs. When was the moment that we passed into the easy listening bracket? We aren’t even a quarter of a century old!

Now when you’re a teenager this station is the domain of your parents (unless your my parents who listen to golden oldies or talkback, which is riveting if you like to listen to people have a whinge) and you would never be caught dead listening to it. As a teenager you must (there is an unspoken code you live by in highschool, clothes, movies, music they all fall into it, peer pressure exists and its highly ingrained into our genetics) stay tuned to FM and make sure its pop, hip hop, new stuff, indie, grunge or rock. Nothing older than 5 years because thats how long till you leave highschool, at this point the cliques die and your music is your own.

Its a much simpler time when you’re a teenager and you don’t really realise it till you’re suddenly not one. Your expectations don’t go past graduation and your dreams are still possible and all the things you should like and enjoy are spoon fed to you through magazines, tv and radio.

I suppose we should accept it and move on since we all wanted to be older when we were little and everyone realises this particular dream eventually.

I was going to say at least there isn’t a channel devoted to old tv shows and classic that were popular when I was a kid but I just realised there is, you just have to pay for it.

Sigh. I begrudge paying for stuff that makes me feel older, I already take like to nanna nap.

sigh…..

My heart is quietly breaking.

 I have been told the news that one of my beloved pets will be leaving me.

Not through death which possibly could have been easier to handle.

I have to live in the knowledge that he will be healthy and well but just not parking his furry butt on my pillow as close to my head as possible when I go to bed at night.

So I sigh and try to hold back the tears, while trying to finish the working week. Maybe I could feign allergies?

If not I am an emotional eater and there will be cake tomorrow.

Blogging….when you think about it, sounds like a bowel movement….

Now this is the second time I will attempt to write this as the computer did a little time travel and went back to before I started writing this and brought it back to the present and suddenly I had no text….weird.

I am new to this blogging adventure and I knew that I was not the only one who had a blog and that every man, woman and their dog had one. I was just unaware that compared to mine well, mine is pretty standard. I am now going to have to be more witty and intelligent to keep my readers attention because my pretty pictures and lack of interactive features are just not enough. It is like comparing the architectural wonder of Sydney Opera House to the amusing Perth Belltower. Would you rather view a national icon or a cockroach mounting a praymantis? If you said the latter, well welcome to the right place, I am mildly amusing and if you wait long enough I might ring my bells.

Now this is not any fault of the designer, Cale did an awesome job, all to get me to put my grey matter to work and I appreciate the love and intent behind the gesture. Its really more about me having no computer skills at all except for some mild typing but even then I am more akin to a dyslexic parrot.

I discovered all this when trolling the deliciously trashy news.com (which I routinely access at work and I would say don’t tell my boss but she probably looks at it too, its those IT administrators you have to watch out for, I can’t even access abc radio over the interwebs.) I came across an article about the bloggies. Awards for blogs across the webbernet. Now I will admit I only visited two site and one only recently but am impressed and encourage everyone to check these out especially if you have my sense of humour or you like food as much as me.

http://ilovemilkandcookies.blogspot.com/

This blog gave me a bit of a creative slap in the face especially with its recipes. I love to bake, cookies, cakes, muffins generally anything that says to me “First you get the sugar then you get the powah!” I believe you can control the world by bribing its people with snacks. I even attempted the craisin checkerboard cookies. they were a big hit and delightfully creative and full of buttery goodness. With its pretty pictures, wonderful recipes and distinctive look at food check it out cause we all know everyone loves milk and cookies. Warning though if you eat all you make from here it might lead to “fatty Mcbutterpants syndrome” need I say more, so share it around.

http://reasonsyouwillhateme.com/

Now I will sheepishly admit I only just checked this out recently, only because I couldn’t access it at work (something about excessive use of banned phrases) and I kept forgetting to do it at home. But browsing through I laughed and was entertained which is all I ask for really, who wouldn’t be entertained by a woman that likes delightfully erotic teatowels?

So if you have similar tastes to me have a bit of a look see but make sure you dont get all distracted by the bright lights and witty banter make sure to come back and see me, remember those bells! 

Stupid things emilie said yesterday

• Why do they call it a Mc nugget?
• Is it because it’s scottish?

This consequently led to me and cale coming up with the monikers they would give a chicken nugget around the world.

Prepare yourself these are GOLD!

Ireland - O’nugget

Germany - Hans nugget

Mexico - Jos`e nugget

China - Wong nugget

Egypt - Tutanugget

and this one had me in tears

what would you call a super spy nugget?

00nugget (double O nugget)

and just now I thought of jamiaca and it would be a rasta nugget.

I know I am an idiot but at least I amuse myself.

In an effort to write of more fuzzy, warm and happy moments…

It has come to my attention that I usually write about things that annoy me, grate on my nerves or frustrate the hell out of me and as much as it gives me an avenue to vent my curdling (and it can go real sour) anger it probably makes me sound like a real grumble bum.

Now I guess its generally the bad moments that stand out the most because one we dont give ourselves the time to drink in the good moments so they always seem so fleeting and two the bad moments turn into bad turns which turn into bad days and so on because once something bad happens its like a shit avalanche that craps all over the mountain until it reaches the bottom, the shit heap and your buried in it up to your neck.

So onto the warm and fuzzies before I get carried away on a rant. What makes the world good? What is the defining line between a good moment and bad one? Who decided that if a bird shat on you from on high that it was good luck? I would just think it incredibly hysterical…..so long as it didn’t happen to me. Was it to turn a embarrasing situation to the benefit of the shittee (is that what you call a person that gets crapped on?)

Today I like to think I has a good day, due to the absence of anything bad. I got all my work done and caught up on some back log and nobody yelled at me, which are all benefits if you work where I do. I also got to sit down after work and watch some tv, have some dinner and just relax, which is all good but not entirely memorable I guess. Its those moments that have the greatest impact that we remember, the ones that make us realise the wonder and magic that the world still has to offer. They don’t come around often and sometimes they are the hardest ones to remember clearly except for the way they make you feel. They can mark definite change in your life or they can be a passing comment or look that burns itself into your brain forever stamped on your cerebral cortex.

Some great moments I remember that have clearly defined my life:

Buying my first CD, Michael Jackson’s Dangerous, not as classic as Thriller but when your seven and watching Michael Jackson (still with his nose but white as a cotton sheet) spin around the Egyptian desert with Eddie Murphy singing “Remember the time” I couldn’t help but wonder at how fantastic music was and how a good song just makes me forget the world and sing along. I also discovered I don’t sing very well at all.

Graduating from high school threw me for a loop, but it was an incredible warm fuzzy moment to realise that it was all over and I was no longer going to be able to live the teenage life and I was suddenly a young adult. I was finally finished 12 years of 6 hour days and holidays every 3 months, I was actually going to have put some effort into my work. That didn’t actually happen at uni much, I kind of just floated along as I do.

Seeing snow for the first time was a quiet ethereal moment where I sat wide-eyed at the window in my pjs resisting the urge to run out side and try and eat it from the sky. I was 20.

I remember once while working in retail, which doesn’t offer those memorable moments all that often, I was serving an elderly couple who were having a chat to me about the ways of the world and we got to talking about where the world was heading. Now I cant remember the exact words but the lady said something like the world was becoming a more complicated place and how much the future generations would have to do ust to keep it functioning. I said well I hope were up to the job and we do it well and surprisingly she said I think its in safe hands and I have no doubt. That made me feel like I wasnt a completely useless lump of flesh taking up space and I always think of it when I need a pick-me-up. 

Seeing London and Rome for the first time was wondrous, amazing, fantastically awe-inspiring and gave me the travel bug. To see such historically significant places such as the tower of London where so many people lost their heads (literally) and to stand in the coloseum where gladiators like Russel Crowe battled tigers and lions ate christians. It was a little distracting with all the tourists but if you stand a moment and let it all go quiet you get an eerie feeling of all that has come before you.

So that is just some of my great moments and I’ll bet everyone can recall some of those moments that made the world seem like a good place to be even if only for a brief step in time, the footprints remain so you can find your way back.